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“Dad, can you loan me Five Hun­dred Thou­sand Naira?” Kola asked his father.

What for son?”, his father asked.

For my wed­ding. By our cal­cu­la­tions, we’re falling short meet­ing the cost”.
Kola had come to meet his par­ents with his fiancé.

Your wed­ding? How much is the total cost of the wed­ding?”, his father asked.

N3.6 mil­lion. We’re think­ing of start­ing the com­mit­tee next week. We can togeth­er give about eight hun­dred thou­sand and expect our friends to help us raise about two mil­lion. I remem­ber you told me if ever I need help I can come to you” Kola answered.

His father held him by the shoul­der and said:

Go get your wife and come meet me at my study room”.

Yes dad”, Kola oblig­ed.

Min­utes lat­er, Kola and his fiancé,Tomilayo walked into his father’s study room.

Hav­ing a good time my daugh­ter?” Kola’s father asked.

Yes I am. You and your wife are so hos­pitable. I pray that Kola and I can emu­late your mar­riage. You are an admirable cou­ple” answered Kola’s fiance.

Thank you. I am delight­ed to have you as my daugh­ter. This is your home, you’re wel­come any­time”, said father.

They sat down.

Thank you dad”

So, I hear you want to spend N3.6 mil­lion for your wed­ding and you need me to help with five hun­dred thou­sand?”, asked father.

Yes, we will great­ly appre­ci­ate” said the fiancé.

The wed­ding will be at the Total Gar­den Ibadan in about six months time”, said Kola.

Why do you want to have a big wedding?”,father asked.

Well, it’s our big day. She’s always dreamt of a big wed­ding”, Kola replied.

Have you dreamt of a big wed­ding or a strong mar­riage?”, The father asked the fiancé.

When you put it that way, it’s more of a strong mar­riage” said the fiancé.

Good. You’ve answered wise­ly. So who do you expect to come for your wed­ding?”, asked the father.

Friends and rel­a­tives. About sev­en hun­dred peo­ple”, answered Kola.

How many true friends do you real­ly have?”,

I mean friends who have been tried and test­ed to be there for you through thick and thin?, asked the father.

Kola and Tomi­layo looked at each oth­er. “Count­able”, the fiancé answered.

So who are these oth­er peo­ple who will come to your wed­ding?”, asked the father.


OK. Let’s go to the rel­a­tives. I know you love your rel­a­tives, but how many are real­ly close to you? You bare­ly talk with the many rel­a­tives you have”, said the father.

What are you try­ing to say dad?” asked Kola.

“My son, my daugh­ter; why do you want to spend N3.6 mil­lion on a wed­ding, a one day event yet you need the mon­ey in your mar­riage? Look, you are actu­al­ly com­ing to ask me for mon­ey, you will form a
com­mit­tee to ask peo­ple for mon­ey; all to show off and please peo­ple who will not even mat­ter in your mar­riage”



The father con­tin­ued, “Let me share with you my expe­ri­ence. When I mar­ried your moth­er, we spent about a mil­lion for the wed­ding. That was a lot of mon­ey then. We fed peo­ple, got stressed by ser­vice providers, just so that we put up a wed­ding that will win the applause of a crowd. But as soon as we got mar­ried, the crowd dis­ap­peared. All the issues that your moth­er and I went through, no one cared, even fam­i­ly could­n’t do much. Every one is busy liv­ing their life. When things got tough, the crowd gos­siped about us, some even seemed hap­py that our mar­riage was in trou­ble” Silence.

I have seen this script repeat­ed over and over. Brides get stressed on their wed­ding day, they can’t even enjoy, cou­ples being angry at friends who don’t sup­port them finan­cial­ly, the worst part is start­ing mar­riage in debt or strug­gling finan­cial­ly.

Do you know a wed­ding does­n’t have to cost so much, it does­n’t have to be stress­ful, it does­n’t have to be full of peo­ple who per­haps will nev­er talk to you again?” added the father.

But dad, what will peo­ple think if we do a small wed­ding or we don’t invite them?“asked the fiancé.

Are you get­ting mar­ried for peo­ple? If you have a small wed­ding with only the wit­ness­es who mat­ter, will you two not be mar­ried? What is all this com­pe­ti­tion of who has a grand wed­ding for?

Peo­ple are com­pet­ing on Face­book, in wed­dings; why this need to show off? You know that mon­ey you are about to blow in one day, you can use it to invest in your mar­riage, you can start the process of buy­ing or build­ing a home, you can save up for the needs of the chil­dren you will have because you need mon­ey to raise a fam­i­ly.

Why not start your mar­riage finan­cial­ly healthy and not in debt?Marriage is what is more impor­tant than awed­ding”, con­tin­ued the father.

Dad, if you don’t want to sup­port us it’s okay”, said Kola.

The fiancé stopped him say­ing, “No my love, dad has a point. I actu­al­ly find the idea of a small wed­ding not just wise and eco­nom­i­cal, but also inti­mate. Mar­riage is just you and me, not peo­ple”.

The father spoke, “My son, in all the years you have been a man, you have nev­er come to me ask­ing for mon­ey, but now you are ask­ing for mon­ey to put up a show? I look fur­ther, I look at your mar­riage. I admire how peo­ple come togeth­er in a wed­ding com­mit­tee to raise mon­ey and I won­der, what if cou­ples and peo­ple use that same ener­gy to put up a busi­ness that will uplift fam­i­lies. Those mem­bers who will be part of your wed­ding com­mit­tee, imag­ine if they become your investors, imag­ine if you build a com­pa­ny where you can make prof­it and feed your homes. Some­thing sus­tain­able.”

Kola and his fiancé nod­ded.

My son, I have longed for the day you would come and ask me to invest in your busi­ness idea. But today I will make the first move”, the father said tak­ing his cheque book from his draw­er. He wrote on the cheque then gave it to the fiancé.

Here my son, this is a cheque of five mil­lion naira, not for your wed­ding but as start up cap­i­tal for a busi­ness of your choice. I am giv­ing the cheque to your wife because as the Proverbs 31 woman said, she is to walk with you in build­ing an empire for your fam­i­ly. Focus on your fam­i­ly, give your fam­i­ly the best; for­get about the pub­lic and opin­ions of peo­ple who don’t mat­ter. Build a future for your fam­i­ly. Build your fam­i­ly on a foun­da­tion of sur­plus not debt”.

Thank you so much” said the fiancé. Kola stood up with tears in his eyes. His father stood up too.

The father and son hugged.

Thank you dad for being a great fig­ure and your coun­sel. I don’t know what to say. You have chal­lenged me not to mere­ly get mar­ried but to have a vision, a vision for my fam­i­ly. I don’t know what to say” he spoke.

The father held his shoul­der, “You will make a great hus­band and father. I wish I had the same coun­sel when I was get­ting mar­ried, all those peo­ple I fed on my wed­ding day did­n’t add val­ue to my mar­riage. In fact, if I was to orga­nize an event and feed mul­ti­tudes, I would do so for the less for­tu­nate and those in need.

Mar­riage is not for show.

I hope this inspires some­one.


Abel Wealth

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