The A to Z Facts Marriage You Need to Know to Make Your Union A Success.
I sat beside a beautiful couple at the Istanbul airport while waiting for my flight to Lagos, they were both dressed in Nike T-shirts, Nike tennis, and a Nike face cap. Both of them were tall, and looking ‘sportish’. We were all seating in a lounge when the husband stood up to get some fruits and the wife was calling him…. Bankole, please get some drinks for me….. I was taken aback by my cultural spirit. I asked the woman, Is that your husband? She said, Yes. I asked, why are you calling him by name? She said that is what he wants. She continued…. I have tried calling him darling, sweetheart, babe but he insists….. call me Bankole, don’t even shorten it to Banks or Banky, just call me Bankole.
‘That is what my mother calls me when she wants to bless me so I have a connection with that name and each time you call me Bankole, I remember my mother’s love and prayers, so please call me Bankole….. that is my love language’
After this conversation with this elderly woman, I came to this conclusion….. Be very careful NOT TO LEGISLATE OTHER PEOPLES MARRIAGES.
The two unifying factors the Bible prescribes are LOVE AND RESPECT. How to love and respect is in the hands of the couple. They will decode that by themselves.
No two marriages are the same. Abishag married a man who was the age mate of his grandfather so kneeling down for him every morning becomes a rule in their home. It is not a rule in another home, and neither is it an expression of love or submission. We must be very careful not to legislate marriage.
I met a Prof who calls his wife ‘Senior’. Why? He said, she is five years older than me so I call her that to tease her. They are very close even at seventy.
No two marriages are the same. Marrying a lastborn is different from marrying a firstborn. Marrying an ‘ajebutter’ is different from marrying a ‘paki’. Marrying a spoilt child is different from marrying the breadwinner of his family of thirty-four siblings.
Marrying from a polygamous family is different from marrying from a monogamous family. Marrying an educated person is different from marrying a non-literate. Marrying a career partner is different from marrying a business person. Couples have the sole responsibility of interpreting LOVE AND RESPECT within the context of their marriage. Do not legislate other people’s marriages based on your own experiences.
No two marriages are the same. In some marriages, the couples are purely friends. In some, it is a Master/Boss relationship. In some, it is a harem system. Let each couple interpret their Love and Respect as the Spirit leads. Do not legislate other people’s marriages with your personal experiences. Let every legislation be within the word of God- Love and Respect.
It just occurred to me while writing this, that my parents called themselves by their first names till death parted them. Their marriage did not break.
Our love languages differ. Our son and his wife call themselves baby but my husband said, please don’t call me baby before I start behaving like one. I call him ‘araoko’.
Love and Respect are my watchwords. When it is RECIPROCAL, a marriage will survive the storms. Love and respect flowing from both sides are the secrets of a lasting and blissful marriage.
Couples especially young couples, please ask for wisdom to know how to show love and respect to each other. Do not trouble your marriage with what does not fit into it. Stay with the word of God…. LOVE AND RESPECT. How you interpret yours is different from how I interpret mine. The Lord bless you!
Dolapo Adelakun
Damsel School of Ministry
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The A to Z Facts About Marriage You Need to Know to Make It Successful.
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